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First kiss? Uni, first year. I was utterly inexperienced and crippled by any interaction with girls (blame 5 years at a boys school which two years of interacting with girls in sixth form had entirely failed to cure me of) but somehow I painstakingly crept into someone else's affections and managed to get a snog at long last. Halle-fucking-lujah.

First love - Love is a tricky thing to pin down and I think only really comes after a long time. So instead I'll go with my first epic crush. Not my first crush by a long way, just the one that I really still remember: a beautiful girl I knew in Italy - friend of our family friends there - an incredibly striking Dutch/Italian girl who I got on with fabulously, had great long conversations with in which I made her laugh and smile and who I spectacularly failed to get off with and instead discovered that she had a long time boyfriend. But even now I look back on that soul-shattering, unbelievably tragic misery of crushed hope and love and lust with a nostalgic twinge. Ah, those were the days. Or maybe not.

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