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1) We met in Constantinople in 1923. After 2 weeks we’d sworn a blood oath and had defeated the Brothers of the Skin. My shoulder stills aches from the knife wound and I’ll always remember you sacrifice.

2) You’re a sweet person but people always think the worst of you. I know you weren’t really responsible for what happened to the children, and I don’t think you should have got the chair. I’m pleased you still come and see me.

3) We’ve never really spoken, but I feel that I know you so well. That’s probably because I’ve been watching you 18 hours a day for the past three months. I like it when you leave the curtains open.

4) For an inanimate object, you’re a lot of fun! Life wouldn’t be the same if we hadn’t met. I like everything about you - the way you roll down stairs, the way you’re big and heavy and made out of wood. Let’s face it, you’re better then bad – you’re good!

5) I don’t like the way you stare at me. You’re weird looking and I don’t seem to be able to shake you. I’m always catching sight of you, in windows and other shiny surfaces. What really freaks me out is when you follow me into the bathroom. Have you never heard of giving people a little privacy?

6) You’re one of a kind, totally unique! I’ve never known anyone like you and I doubt I’ll ever meet anyone like you again.

7) You’re a fantastic poet, and a damn good artist! Don’t keep putting yourself down, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re a blasphemous heretic – they’re just stuck in their 18th century mindset. I can’t wait for your next garden party – but can we please wear clothes this time?

8) You’re one of a kind, totally unique! I’ve never known anyone like you and I doubt I’ll ever meet anyone like you again.

9) As friends go you’re pretty weird, but you’ve helped me so much. I’ve lost all desire for material things, I’m hard as fucking nails after all those fights and you’ve given a great dilapidated house to live in. I must admit I’m kinda jealous about you and your girlfriend, though. How come you’re never around when she is?

10) Remember me? I pulled you out of the jungle in ’69. Cambodia was a blast, huh?

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urizen

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